The New Book

I love Chapter's. Or any bookstore, for that matter. Even driving past it on the way out of town brings a smile to my face. Something about walking through those doors makes me feel like I'm walking into a whole new world. A world where anything can happen; Turtles can talk, people can fly, kids can save the world. It's a world where truth is told, truth about emotions, feelings, hopes, dreams, failures. It's a world where whispers are never just whispers, and secrets are never kept from everyone. A world where a thousand words can paint a better picture than any brush could, a world where actions speak only as loud as the words that describe them. Loves are lost, found, made, forgotten. It's magic.

I may have gotten carried away, but all that I mean is I'm definitely a regular at Chapter's. I go as often as I can; if ever I have a spare moment, I waste it at Chapter's. I love looking at books, reading the covers (but never the back. It ruins the story; always judge a book by it's cover). I even smell the pages. There's nothing like the smell of the potential for adventure.

I don't know the staff by name, but I do know what they look like:

1. The Children's Section Old Lady: She looks like the every day grandmother, and when I take Derby to the section she gushes all over him in the typical grandmother style. She knows exactly where to find a book if it's in her section, hardly even needs the computer to know if it's in stock.
2. The Fiction and Literature Old Man: He loves his job, at least he looks like he does as he stacks and re-stacks the books on the tables, lost in their titles and author names. When that is done, he wanders through the book shelves, picking up books and staring at the front, then flipping them open to read something on the first page. He's probably working, but I like to think he's smelling the potential.
3. The Clerks: There's the tall guy that looks slightly nerdy, like he's probably read every book in the store. The girl with the huge smile who always seems so excited to be selling me a book; she knows Chels and is always up to date with my life, sometimes before I am. (Facebook creeper) The one girl knows I never get a bag for my books.
4. There's more, but I won't bore you.

So it was weird when I bought the New Book. Chelsee and I went to read magazines on the window ledge at the front of the store. She picked out her regular: the latest edition of Nylon Magazine, a magazine that doesn't offer subscriptions to Canada. (lame) and I told her,

"I'll be right back." She read my first post, so she must have known where I was going, but, truthfully, I was a little embarrassed to say it out loud. I snuck to the computer at the back of the store, the one I felt was least likely to be seen by little kids in the middle of their wild rumpuses. I looked around nervously, and then I typed, as fast as possible, "Sexual Positions." All these pictures of books came up that were not quite 18A but definitely 14A. I could feel this old man with a sweater vest judging me as he walked past the computer, but I made my self stop caring; I was doing this for the good of my marriage, for the fun of my marriage.

I looked at the first book where it said, "Find it in: Self-help." Good grief. Of all the sections in Chapter's this is the one I enjoy the least. I always wonder what would bring people to read a self-help book. Just watch Dr. Phil; there's no way his books could relate to normal people. Sexual positions books should be in their own section. Something like the Super-Cool-Studly-Man section or something.

Anyway, I sauntered over to the self-help section and found the books. I picked one with stick people instead of the read deal; it's way less awkward. But it's still awkward, especially when the clerk is a new girl who looked way to excited to be working on a Saturday night.

"Hey, how are you?" she sang out to me as I walked to the counter.

"I'm fine," I said, just wanting things wrap up swiftly and stay as far away from small talk as possible. I passed her the book and her face went from that excited new Chapter's clerk to a bright red, frowning tomato.

"Did you find everything you were looking for?" she asked her computer screen as she flipped the book over the little de-magnetizer like five times.

"Uh, yup," I grumbled. If ever there was time I wished there was a self check-out...

"Do you need a bag?" she asked, and this time I said yes. I never use bags there, saving the world and everything, but I definitely didn't want to be toting that little butte around under my arm for all to see.

I showed Chelsee, and she got embarrassed even though she knew I was buying it, but she laughed and looked excited. Upon looking at the book, it's obvious that half of the positions, more than half, way more than half are not for fat old bags, but we are definitely in for some fun in the coming days. : D

Thanks for reading...sorry if it's uncomfortable today. But hey, we're being real. Thanks again.